Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) was created by Dr Marsha Linehan specifically to help people with borderline personality disorder (BPD), and it can also be used to treat other mental health issues.

DBT is on based cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) but also combines aspects of mindfulness, a practice of being aware of your thoughts, feelings and emotions in the moment. With this combination of CBT and mindfulness, DBT can be very helpful for people who suffer from extreme emotional.

DBT itself is made up of four distinct modules: mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotional regulation, and interpersonal skills. And it’s an exercise within the emotional regulation module that we’re going to look at in this article.

STOP is a technique taught within DBT that helps people with BPD learn how to pause for a moment and more effectively regulate their emotional response. The benefits of STOP don’t just end there though. STOP also helps to increase mindfulness and self-awareness by encouraging the individual to pause and be present in the moment. In turn, this can help to reduce impulsive behavior, with impulsivity being another common problem in those with BPD. STOP can also improve decision-making as it allows the individual to take a step back and think without a whirlwind of emotions affecting the process.

Like several other DBT techniques, STOP is an acronym. It stands for:

Stop: The first step in STOP is exactly that, stop. Take a moment and recognize the need to stop and pull back from the immediacy of the situation. This component of STOP allows the individual to put space between feelings and reactions. This allows the response to the situation at hand to be more thoughtful and intentional.

Take a breath: Once you’ve taken the time to stop, it’s time to take some deep breaths and engage in a calming breathing exercise. This can be continued deep breathing or any other breathing technique the individual finds helpful. When we’re stressed or anxious, we can sometimes forget to breathe properly, which creates an oxygen deficit in the body and brain. In turn, this can cause even more stress and anxiety, which exacerbates the problem.

Observe: Now observe and describe your thoughts, feelings, and emotions without judging them. By doing this, the individual can become more self-aware and able to identify any thought patterns and triggers that may affect them.

Proceed mindfully: Once you’ve taken the above steps, you can now proceed mindfully, making a more informed and rational decision on how to respond to the situation at hand.

Practicing The STOP Technique

Like any technique, STOP does require practice. It’s suggested to practice STOP during smaller moments that aren’t too challenging to begin with. Those minor, everyday annoyances that we all experience on a regular basis are a great place to start. Try practicing STOP when you can’t find your keys and are becoming frustrated, for example. By regularly practicing STOP during small, less important situations you are building your ability to use the technique in potentially more stressful situations such as a conflict with a partner.

Not only does regular practice help to hone the skill, but it also helps it to become more natural to you. At first you might find yourself forgetting to use STOP on having to very consciously work through each step. Eventually though, you’ll start to remember to use STOP whenever a situation calls for it and it will feel much more natural.

It can also be helpful to create some visual reminders for yourself so that you remember to apply STOP whenever you feel your emotions becoming less stable. Sticky notes, notes on your phone, or even printouts of this guide left in visible areas that you frequent can serve as valuable reminders to use the STOP technique when you need it.

How To Use STOP In Real-Life

To gain a better understanding of when and how to use the STOP DBT skill, we’re going to look at certain situations where STOP would come in useful for someone with BPD.

Scenario 1: Being Criticized At Work

Situation: You feel like someone, whether it’s a co-worker or your boss, is being critical of your work. This criticism is making you want to respond in kind and escalate the situation.

S: Stop

• Pause immediately. Don’t speak, yell, or act.
• Think: “I need to stop before I react.”

T: Take a step back and breathe:

• Step away from the situation, either mentally or physically.
• Take a deep breath and remind yourself of the potential consequences of reacting rashly in the workplace.

O: Observe

• Pay attention to what is happening both internally and externally in the moment.
• Internally: “I feel angry and my face feels like it is flowing red.”
• Externally: “My boss is waiting for a response. They don’t appear to be angry.”

P: Proceed mindfully:

• Choose a response that aligns with your goals of not burning bridges and maintaining your current job.
• “Thanks for bringing that to my attention. Could you explain to me where I went wrong so I can make sure the mistake doesn’t happen again in the future?”

Scenario 2: Navigating Social Anxiety at a Party

Situation: You’re at a social gathering, and you feel overwhelmed and want to leave immediately even though you’ve only just got there.

S: Stop

• Stop yourself from leaving immediately or isolating yourself.

T: Take a Step Back and breathe

• Find a quiet spot to calm down, or take a few breaths while remaining in the room.

O: Observe

• Notice your physical sensations: “My heart is racing, and I feel very self-conscious.”
• Notice your thoughts: “I’m worried about saying the wrong thing.”
• Observe the environment: “Everyone seems relaxed and isn’t focused on me.”

P: Proceed mindfully

• Decide how to handle the situation thoughtfully:
• Engage in a brief conversation with someone you trust.
• Use a grounding technique (e.g., focusing on an object or repeating a calming phrase).
• If needed, leave politely after setting a small social goal (e.g., talking to two people).

Hopefully, these examples of STOP in action have given you a better understanding of how and when to use it. As well as reading these examples, why not try and create a few of your own and try to figure out how you’d use STOP in those scenarios?

Final Thoughts

Emotional regulation is one of the biggest challenges for people with BPD but there are tools and techniques available that can make that challenge more manageable. The DBT skill of STOP is one such technique.

By stopping, taking a breath, observing, and proceeding mindfully, the individual gives themselves the opportunity to better regulate their responses to situations, often de-escalating situations rather than escalating them.

Like any skill, STOP needs to be regularly practiced until it becomes second nature. This can be achieved during small challenges and also through the use of created scenarios. With regular practice and experience, STOP can be a great help in improving emotional regulation and interpersonal relationships.

Sources, Resources, and Further Reading