Whether it’s a birthday, holiday, or “just because”, giving someone a gift is a great way to show that you appreciate them and value your relationship with them. However, it can be challenging to determine the appropriate gifts to buy. Selecting a present for someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) should be approached with thoughtfulness and consideration for their individual preferences and needs as well as their mental well-being.

With that in mind, here are a few ideas that will help you buy a gift for someone with BPD that they will truly enjoy.

Hobbies

One of the best gifts you can give anyone is something they can use in one of their favorite hobbies. Hobbies provide a great distraction for people with BPD and hobby-related presents also show that you pay attention to them and what they like to do for fun.

If your loved one is artistic then some art supplies such as sketchbooks, pencils, and paints will be greatly appreciated. If they love to read then a book by a favorite author or in their preferred genre is a great gift.

Try to think about the person and what they enjoy doing and cater your gift towards that. If the individual in question doesn’t have many hobbies maybe you could buy them a present that encourages them to start something they’ve always wanted to do.

We have an article about hobbies for people with BPD that you can read here.

Comfort Items

Whether it’s been a bad period or it’s just miserable outside, most of us enjoy comfort items from time to time. Think of things like snug blankets; soft pillows; thick, warm socks; cozy sweaters; or delicious snacks.

All of these items can help someone with BPD feel a little better when they’ve had a bad day and just need to recharge on their own. They also provide a nice reminder to them that you care about them. They might strongly associate a sweater you gifted them with you and use it to soothe themselves when you’re not available.

Self-Care

We all need some self-care at times and that’s especially true for people with Borderline Personality Disorder. The emotional fluctuations are incredibly draining and individuals with BPD often feel exhausted. Taking a break and practicing self-care is vital.

Some great self-care presents include scented candles; a sleep mask; bath bombs; a spa kit (or spa day if you think they’d feel comfortable with that); a massager, an oil diffuser, make-up kits; or a white noise machine can all help the person feel more relaxed and less anxious when they need it the most.

A big part of my recovery has been improving my quality of sleep. I’ve found that a comfortable sleep mask that blocks out the light has made a huge difference in how well I sleep, which has made me more able to stabilize my mood throughout the day.

Stress Relief

Many of the items we’ve already talked about in the sections for hobbies, comfort, and self-care can help to relieve stress but there are other gifts worth considering too.

Stress balls or a fidget spinner may help someone with BPD physically work through any stress or anxiety they’re feeling.

A box of chamomile tea can help at the end of a stressful day. It contains no caffeine and aids relaxation and sleep.

Something that I enjoy is my Buddha Board. You use a bamboo brush that you dip in water to draw or write on the board. The neat thing about it is that whatever you put on the board disappears within minutes. It’s a great way to learn the concept of “letting go” while being able to vent or express yourself artistically.

Time and Companionship

People with BPD crave time and companionship more than most. So one of the best gifts you can give them is simply spending time with them. Whether it’s taking them out to a restaurant or cafe for a bite to eat and a chat or just going to visit them at home to see how they’re doing – this will almost always be welcome. Just make sure to plan it with them first as they might not enjoy someone coming around unannounced if they’re in a low mood.

Plants or Flowers

Plants and flowers can help to brighten a living space and provide a mood boost to nature lovers. Studies have indicated that house plants have a calming effect on people, lower anxiety and reduce the severity of depression. They can also reduce allergies as long as the plant in question doesn’t produce pollen or spores.

While some plants require a certain degree of knowledge and care, others are very low maintenance.

Gifts Cards

While some people consider gift cards to be impersonal, I still think they make a great gift – especially when you’re not entirely sure what to buy someone.

Maybe you know that your loved one enjoys reading but you don’t know exactly what they like to read or what books they already have. Prodigious readers often have so many books they’re not even sure themselves! In that case, a gift card to a local bookstore is a fantastic idea.

Another great gift card idea is their favorite local restaurant or fast food take-out place. Having BPD is very tiring and we don’t always have the energy to cook, nor do we always have the money to eat out. A gift card to get a meal or two when we’re at our lowest can feel like a very welcome lifeline.

Something else to consider would be a gift card for online therapy or a counseling service. This does, however, have to be very carefully considered. If your loved one has recently talked about trying therapy then this can be a helpful nudge in the right direction. But if they seem close to the idea then this can backfire and damage your relationship.

BPD Themed Gifts

If your loved one has been diagnosed or strongly suspects they have Borderline Personality Disorder and has expressed a desire to work on themself then you could consider buying something to help them in that regard.

There are several books about Borderline Personality Disorder, coping strategies, and DBT skills that can prove helpful.

As mentioned earlier, a gift card to an online therapy service or a subscription to an online workshop or course can also be greatly appreciated.

Gifts to Avoid

While there are many great gifts for people with BPD, there are certain items that are best avoided.

• Anything overly personal or potentially perceived as critical. Try to avoid anything that you think the individual might consider overly personal or potentially critical. Some people with BPD might not appreciate a book about BPD, for example. Or, if they’re overweight, a gym membership could be perceived as an insult. This all depends on the individual.
• Alcohol. Some people with BPD have issues with alcohol – and other substances – as they use them to self-medicate, often causing more harm than good.
• Group activities. Group activities can be overwhelming to people with BPD and can lead to mood swings and splitting.
• Overly expensive items. While well-intentioned, overly expensive gifts can make people feel uncomfortable for a variety of reasons and cause awkwardness in the relationship.

Final Thoughts

As with so much in life, attentiveness and communication are key when it comes to buying a gift for someone with BPD. If you pay attention to someone and listen when they’re talking to you, potential gift ideas can crop up naturally in conversation. You can jot these down for a later date so you always have a list of ideas.

If you feel comfortable, you might consider discussing potential gift ideas directly with the person or someone close to them to ensure your choice aligns with their preferences and needs. Always prioritize their well-being and comfort when selecting a gift.

When and where you give them their gift is something else you should consider. One-on-one is usually the better option wherever possible to prevent an overstimulated reaction.

If you have BPD, what gifts have you received in the past that you’ve loved? What presents have you received that haven’t gone down so well?