There are nine core symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and each of these can manifest itself in a variety of ways. While everyone’s experience of BPD is unique and none of the symptoms are pleasant to cope with, certain symptoms can affect an individual much more severely than someone else.

For some, the chronic fear of abandonment can completely hold them back from making meaningful relationships, leaving them feeling isolated and lonely. For others, it might be the frequent, rapid mood swings that leave them struggling to cope.

The wide variety of symptoms, potential manifestations, and severity of said symptoms left us curious. What were the worst symptoms of BPD, according to our community? As expected, the answers varied wildly and showed exactly how unique and personal each experience of BPD truly is.

Here’s what our community told us were their worst symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder.

*Names have been changed to protect anonymity.

“I’m 31 and I still have no idea who I am or what I want to be. Most of my friends and peers are married, have children, and are at least beginning to progress in their chosen careers. I’m single, don’t have children, and I still don’t know what really interests me. My lack of self-identity terrifies me and I worry that I will just struggle through life without ever figuring out who I am.” – Morna A.

“I hate how jealous I get of anyone who spends time with my partner. It doesn’t matter if it’s a friend, family member, or someone he works with – if they get to spend time with him while I don’t, the jealousy completely overwhelms me to the point that it’s all I can think about. Sometimes I think that it’d be easier to be single. But then I don’t know what I’d do without him. It’s like I’m caught in a trap and the only escape is straight into a different trap.” Jazmin R.

“For me, it’s never being sure if I’m overreacting because of the BPD, or if my reaction is appropriate. There are also times when I try to be measured, but then I worry I might be underreacting because I’m trying so hard not to overreact. I end up cycling through the same thoughts over and over, second-guessing myself. I don’t trust my own judgment at all. I end up avoiding difficult choices because of this.” Elliot W.

“The urge to harm myself is so strong at times that I can’t feel calm until I cut myself. I know it’s not a good thing to do but there’s a voice inside my head that just won’t shut up until I do what it tells me to do.” Kris M.

“The sense of emptiness I carry around with me weighs me down so heavily that I can physically feel it. Considering it’s emptiness, you think it’d feel light. Not true, it’s the heaviest thing I’ve ever felt. It’s like carrying around a backpack with a 50-pound weight inside all day long. On my better days, I feel so much lighter. I just wish I had more better days than bad ones.” Carly C.

“I have no sense of self. I just steal bits of personality from people I know or characters I like in books or TV. It’s all a veneer. Scratch the surface and there’s nothing but an empty shell behind it. No one seems to notice or care but I’m terrified that one day someone will notice. They’ll see me for exactly what I am, nothing at all. Not so much a person as an absence of one.” James K.

“The rage I feel at times is overpowering. I have to keep myself away from other people because I’m scared of what I might end up doing.” Rico J.

“I know it’s not necessarily a symptom of BPD itself but I’m just so tired all the time. The constant ups and downs have drained me and worn me down to a nub. All I want to do all day is lie down and close my eyes. I’m completely burnt out with everything and everyone but the grind demands that I march on and act like nothing is wrong.” – Rochelle B.

“I split so hard on people that it doesn’t seem worth the time or effort to get to know anyone. I know I’m only going to think the worst of them sooner rather than later. I’ve never had a romantic relationship last longer than six weeks and I don’t really have any friends left at this point. I’m resigned to being alone for the rest of my life because it’s easier that way. It might even be better for me, certainly for everyone else.

“The worst thing about it though is that sometimes I really, REALLY just crave love. You know, the feeling of being important to someone. I’m important to no one though, not even myself. “ – Evelyn H.

Thanks to everyone who shared their worst symptoms of BPD with us. We know that these aren’t exactly easy reading, however, people need to know the truth of how challenging it is to live with Borderline Personality Disorder a lot of the time.

If you’d like to share your experiences with us, you can do so in the comment box below or by sending us a message on tumblr. We’re also here if you just want to vent. If you just want to vent to us but not have it published, just let us know in your message and we’ll keep it private.